Tag: beauty

Pieces of Loneliness – beach

The blue of the water embraced me, as though this hue were home.  The waves came toward the shore at an angle, as if they could not quite make up their mind; their crests varying wildly in height.  The sky, too, welcomed me.  As i watched, the golden fire of the setting sun set the clouds on fire with color.

Evidence of man lay all about me – in the water left for dogs, in the footprints, in the carefully tended path, in the ruins of pier after pier.  However, no one shared the beach with me in that moment.  In the houses along the shore, no one made an audible noise.  The road was completely devoid of cars.

As the dog and i walked, watching the sun lower herself slowly behind the trees, i acknowledged a singular blessing: this experience of utter contentment, even when alone, along side pain and weariness.  None of my complaints could begin to dent the sheer glory of clouds changing like a kaleidoscope from yellow to orange to salmon to purple, or the rapture of the waves, reflecting back the changing color of the sky in the mirror smoothness between crests, or the utter delight in my dog’s smile and gate.
A wholeness an be found in the intensity of a moment that, perhaps, company would have dulled my ability to fully appreciate.  But of course, the wild contentment that coursed through me could have been from the brilliance of the view, the salty air, the way the breeze caressed me and the ongoing conversations of birds that merged with the crashing waves like music.

A few days later, i sat in my living-room.  Clutter and mess surrounded me – better than it had been before, but still fairly awful.  Only it didn’t matter.  i sat on my couch, reading and cuddling with animals.  An English Ladymass washed over me, music utterly peaceful, creating an island of wonder around me.  Eventually, i thought that i should write about this, only i could not find it within me to pick up a pen.  Writing is a journey and you never know to what glory or sorrow it will take you.  That moment, all by itself, was exquisite.  No description of its beauty could have made it more splendid.
i moved through the house, doing dishes, cleaning, organizing, later i watched a movie on my computer  Every moment as it came felt complete and effortless.  Being, unlike other times, did not tax me.  Perhaps the realization that it was my last night before my new tenant moved in made my solitude sweeter.

Regardless, i clung to the joy of that evening for days afterward.  Too often, i find myself wallowing in my sorrows, desperate for companionship, almost regardless of cost.
Only in my obsession i forget that being alone can be a marvelous blessing.