Month: June 2013

Shifting seasons

gratitude doodle
gratitude doodle

click on the blue, underlined links to hear poems

This has been a season for change and gratitude.

i wrote about the theme of thankfulness earlier, but as i watch the sun peek out after days of rain, lighting the leaves on fire with a brilliant, intense greens, i feel this truth keenly.  This moment embodies sublime wonder.  As i write, i feel more whole and content than i can ever remember feeling before – even though my circumstances (as is the case with artists everywhere) remain perpetually unstable.

There is an indescribable, if not constant, joy in this life.  i am feeling wildly blessed today.  Much of my gratitude comes from a morning spent reading drafts of my prose and poems – my journey has confronted me.  My words made it clear: this is not a place i expected to be.  Depression, PTSD, rampant insecurity and self-loathing had plagued me for years, weighing me down to the point of death, certainly into a pit of immobility.  That i am no longer languishing fills me with thankfulness the depths of which i cannot begin to express.  It flows deeper than my marrow and bubbles out into the world.  Mostly, i delight in the realization that things did not have to get better externally for this internal shift to occur.

Today has been far from flawless.

My back woke me up with pain, but after some grimacing i coaxed myself up and out of bed.  Instead of pushing my body when i felt weak, i gave myself the gift of a few hours and plunged into prose and poetry.  Nothing centers me better than the written word.  Even going through my most recent poetry collection, looking for typos before releasing it into the wild, has filled me with delight.

asha throwing
asha throwing

All forms of creativity bring their own flavor to joy. Yesterday, i threw fourteen mugs.

throwing

The realization that someday soon they will be used by people, a form of utilitarian art, gave me great satisfaction as i worked.  Another fifty pounds of clay awaits me, hoping that by this afternoon my back will feel good enough to throw.  But, even if i cannot, all will be well.  My words, paint and other obligations will keep me company.

Lately, i have been thinking a lot about how throwing pottery has served as an analogy for my journey through this life.  Once, during one of my lowest spells, my pottery wheel tried to kill me.  As soon as i regained my senses, i wrote a poem about how the experience taught me how fiercely i will fight for my life even when otherwise imprisoned by despair.

that wheel’s a killer

Perhaps, my art has been further along on this journey than the rest of me.  Some of my poetry, especially that written during the darkest times of my life, has expressed profound gratitude and enthusiastic dreams.

salvation

taking wing

A seemingly endless to-do list lies before me and writing these few words has energized me enough that i feel ready to attack that mountain of chores with both hands and whittle it down to something more reasonable.  An amazing sense of empowerment has come over me with this contentment.  For big things, i still have to work myself into confidence, but i somehow move forward in the end.  i keep proving to myself that i am more capable than i ever imagined, although i am kept humble by my continued ability to be stunningly awkward and absent-minded.  It seems strange, but this one shift in my self-perception has altered nearly everything about how i write; all of the characters in my fiction suddenly became stronger, more at ease.  Two books are undergoing major rewrites due to this metamorphosis.

A new season has come upon me.  Caught between spring and summer, i find myself singing over the renewal of spirit.

fire woman
fire woman – to buy her click here

 

Gratitude in sunlight

Today, i’m going to share a brand new poem – composed while i sit in Harbor Artisans Gallery, 336 Main Street, Southwest Harbor, Maine.

two of my sculptures, keeping me company today
two of my sculptures, keeping me company today

Gratitude fills me up
like brilliant sunshine
after a long spell
of cold gray rain.
My cells reverberate
with the ecstasy and peace
i was never able to find
in any outer gift.

For me,
these intense blessings
must come
from the golden Love
that flows from my core,
out through this body.
Love drips from my fingertips;
joy dribbles from my lips.

dragon girl
One of my dragon sculptures… she’s proposing something.

Today, i awoke
in the softness of early morning,
my heart light and open.
Everything transformed
during my slumber –
the lovely, intense rapture
of my earliest, untamed days
came to claim me again.
My spirit celebrates within me,
bending and twirling unabashedly
on stiff, graceless limbs;
rhymes and melodies
fly out my throat.

This is a thanksgiving
of the highest order!

my pottery
My display here at Southwest Harbor’s Harbor Artisans

All shadows have left.
My shoulders no longer sag
under the weight of burdens.
The past has passed through me
leaving this shining LOVE
untouched.

Joy, kindness, appreciation
and this potent love
burn as brightly within me
as this summer sun.

Dance with me!
Feel the breeze on our skin!

Sing with me
until we grow hoarse!

2 june 2013