Tag: cruelty

poem: enough

enough

ENOUGH
with the words of brokenness!

I AM DISSOLVED.

The last lingering strands
of coherency and continuity
tore.

All that was me
floats freely.

The bridge between
what was
and what will be
snapped
like a wishbone,
leaving this wandering mess
of sensation,
dream,
reaction
and memory,
adrift and rudderless.

All ambition withered,
trapped as it was
in the walled, parched garden,
abandoned by Spirit,
starved alongisde
worry and reputation.

Only the language lingered.

The habits of existence
left marks like chains.

The scripts stayed
easy,
cozy,
hard to surrender.

Like ancient blankets
made soft from use,
though threadbare
to the point of translucence –
and completely useless –
familiarity demanded
they not be tossed aside.

Until now –
the need to be free
triumphs
over comfort and safety.

Enough of the language
of judgment and hatred.

On to discover
new vocabularies
of love.

7 may 2016

poem: shut up

“SHUT UP!”
i can still see her face,
“NO ONE CARES!
YOU ARE A SHITTY ARTIST!
A FOOL IN YOUR SUFFERING!”

The words echo
in the empty room
and i realize:
i don’t care.

Even if they are true,
these brackish, foul waters
taste sweet to me.

They sustain my life.

They give me what i need
to move forward.

Indeed,
the realization
that i can no longer
live for this art alone
fills me with more passion –
more driving, whipping need
to get these words onto paper
and fortify my soul.

So say what you want.

It can’t hurt me more
than losing art.

21 april 2016

poem: anger

Anger has its uses.

It can serve
as a reminder
that everyone deserves
respect –
even the one
dwelling within this skin.

Too many things matter.

i care too much.

Words can still wound.

Enlightenment
has only gone so far,
a fragile heart
filled with healed
cracks and ruptures
dwells within this breast.

Lovely contentment
can be confounded
by unexpected cruelty,
someone else shouting
their truth.

Bright, shining hopefulness
can be shattered
by the cudgel
of insult.

Such things require time
to return to wholeness.

The anger provides fuel
for self-protection.
The shit thrown at me
fertilizes growth.

As long as i return quickly
to the embrace of love,
to the stillness in my depths,
i can see anger
as a tool –
proof that i finally
find myself unquestionably worthy
of kindness and respect.

11 april 2016

rosary: in defense of my sanity

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Christ, I have another person that I cared for to the point of stupidity, who keeps telling me things about myself that do not match what I see within. Once more, someone inserts himself between you and me, insisting that he knows my relationship with you and the quality of my soul better than I do myself.

Invitatory
Jesus, you know, I am one to believe what people say, particularly those I care for and respect. I look for the truth in even the most outrageous statements. I always wonder if you are trying to send me a message through their words. Indeed, this has been a great benefit – realizing that I was being called to trust in You unhesitatingly – and it has been a great harm – tying me up in knots, wondering how something so baseless and cruel could be true.

Cruciform
Christ, hold the hand of this fool, give me better discernment and help me to be strong and confident.

Weeks
Let me see the truth of myself.

Invitatory
Perhaps I should be more hesitant to see the truth, Christ, for we are all have our moments of weakness, wretchedness, failure and cruelty. However, my Lord, I have been working my whole life to be a better servant of God and I cannot manage change if I my vision is clouded by delusions and projections.

+
Thank you Christ, for all the love and kindness you have shown this wayward soul. You have brought me through times when I thought I would perish from this world. I am grateful beyond words to you. Amen.