Tag: smiling

gratitude

This morning, i awoke drenched in gratitude and joy. When the sun comes out, after so long in the torrential rain, it feels like a blessing beyond measure. This is what is happening with my life.

Too often, i have complained in this blog. In many ways, the last eighteen months had been a tail of woe – told in minor keys while my voice was hoarse with desperation. Now, i am filled with hope and such big dreams. i am adapting well to this life of regular employment. Even better, i am enjoying it. My art, thankfully, keeps pouring out of me. Yesterday afternoon was drenched in love, poetry and drawing. The one i love is once again close enough to touch; the starvation of affection is being sated. Even my face seems to be relaxing from the terrible pain it had been in. A solid three quarters of my face can smile now.

Usually i hoard these moments of joy to myself – choosing to throw myself into them rather than write them down on paper. i am often without moderation or restraint, fully imbibing happiness when it comes. The purging process of writing usually centers around sorrow and stress, not the delicacies of joy and gratitude. Oh, but, this time, i feel compelled to give thanks out loud and in song. That life can transform, even when there are still so many problems and stresses, is a blessing of the highest order. With greater success, i am able to choose in the moment what i want to be: joyous or anxious. Granted, there are still a lot of times when i fall down, but the shifts i celebrate in these words are as much internal as external.

So, today, even with my eye tearing, and my lips still frozen, i am swimming in an ocean of gratitude. Everything was worth it, to bring me this moment of satisfaction and contentment. With every moment, i am growing, deepening and swimming in love.

makes me want to smile

This morning, my driveway tried to kill me. The ice is melting, but remains ridiculously slick and the film of water on top of it made my dog skid off his feet.  As a result, I closed my studio and showroom for the day while the melting continues.

This is a blessing.

Yesterday I worked myself a bit too hard; my body will enjoy having lighter duties today. This also gives me a chance to get the house in order (do laundry, organize chaos, stare at the dirty dishes intently enough to develop telekinesis), put items up for sale on ebay and Houzz, and blog.

As soon as the washer started chugging away, I realized I wanted to blog first and foremost.  Of course, this has nothing to do with avoiding the mess that has taken over the living-room.  Instead, it has everything to do with my gratitude for a singular moment while teaching.

Last night, I experienced one of those small exchanges that will live on in my heart forever – filed under “memories for when you need to cheer up.”

A student stayed until late. She is a delightful teenager, able to work wonders with the clay when she harnesses her mind (something which I understand from my own experience; mind harnessing is not always an effortless process.) We were sculpting and talking when she mentioned that some people she cares about deeply keep trying to get her to smile. As much as she wants to please them, she can’t do it.  She doesn’t like to smile, even when she’s happy.  She couldn’t give me a clear reason why she doesn’t want to grin, although she did give it some serious thought after I asked.  “Well, don’t worry about it here,” I told her as I added a fin to my mermaid’s tale, “I don’t mind, you can have whatever expression you want.  Pout, be relaxed, scowl, it won’t bother me.  Just let me know when you need help or something needs to change.”

mermaidShe looked up at me with large, serious eyes and a delightfully earnest expression, “Now, that makes me want to smile.”

At that, I smiled enough for both of us. It is enough for her to tell me that she enjoys her time in the studio and the lessons I have given – I don’t need effervescent emoting. Lord knows, I effervescently emote enough for a small country and she puts up with it.

mermaid2The night continued on quite nicely.  She started on a cat-woman sculpture and I worked on the mermaid. I ended the day exhausted but content.

Even when I settled in for sleep, I kept grinning at the thought that something so little on my part had made her happy.  It is such a small thing, really, to release my expectations about how someone should react to something – and the payoff for flexibility is huge. She found such comfort in not being told what configuration her face had to take.